A few days after writing this post I woke up feeling so sick. I couldn't shake it until I discovered that I had been suppressing a lot of feelings lately. I've been through so much in the last few months I didn't allow myself to feel it out. I knew I didn't want to allow it to distract me but I forgot to actually deal with each issue with love, understanding and peace. I still am working through my heartbreaks but I feel stronger than ever before. My biggest heartbreak was my grandma passing away. I think of her every single day. Each time I think of her I learn something about myself, other and/or life. Her precious love still continues to inspire. Here is my original post:
Someone once told me "all you do is smoke pot all day" but what they probably do not realize is cannabis is my medication. I am dealing with the death of my grandma along with the spiritual warfare that has been surrounding me for months. Long story short, I should be on medication for depression and anxiety but Zoloft and Xanax did not give me a better quality of life. In fact, I felt I was in a zombie state of mind. I only told my best friend/roommate the concerns I had with the side effects they gave me and that's when RVD came into my life. I had just started being on the road full time and I kept bumping into him at various stops. He would tell me the benefits of cannabis without knowing my views on it and that I was struggling mentally. I looked up all the information he gave me and it checked out. That's when I decided to medicate for the first time. Since then I have been able to live a better quality of life. I'm not saying I NEED cannabis. I'm just saying that instead of popping prescription medication I use herbal medication. Some days I smoke a lot and others not so much. In fact, there have been times I had no cannabis in my system (at all) and I had a wonderful day.
It really hurt me when I was judged by this person and then I started to compare my life to theirs. I went from a gal with hurt pink feelings to feeling empowered. This person doesn't have the motivation I have that allows me to accomplish my goals and dreams. They doesn't focus on a healthy mental, fitness and spiritual lifestyle. I used to be that person so I can relate and say with confidence I know where they are coming from. I'm grateful for those experiences they are amazing reminders I had once been there but now I am no longer angry. My anger turned into compassion for this person. I felt for them, I prayed for them. Anger is an ugly thing and I used to have SUCH a problem with it. Back in the day I was the chick who would punch a hole in the wall out of frustration. I was the one who was ready to physically get into a fight if I had to and sometimes I wanted to fight. That's right Miss Positive Vibes used to be not positive vibes at all. I had so much hurt in my life I didn't think I could ever obtain peace. I was a good girl who was hurt and didn't know where to go for the answers and peace that I so desperately needed. When cannabis entered my life I was able to connect with high school Shelly. The girl who would wear cute little outfits to school with a bible in her purse. A girl that people would say "what is it about you" and I would reply "It's the Love of The Lord." What a blessing my life experiences both negative and positive are. They have helped me become a wiser version of the person I was and wanted to be. I feel free and full of life and I just had to share this story with you. Positive vibes to everyone out there, I mean it. This world is filled with darkness and I hope that this post had brought a little Light to at least one person today. Shalom amigos y amigas!
No comments:
Post a Comment